We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
