my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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