I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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