my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize