what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
