I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
