she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drunk is a universal language darling
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
