I CAN MOONWALK!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
