woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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