Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
