he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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