he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
