it wasn't lemon gatorade
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize