whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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