last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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