The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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