you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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