also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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