It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
