He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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