I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
