i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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