you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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