How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
