chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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