did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think your dad took our porno
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
