Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
