Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
