weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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