At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
