is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize