I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
