She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
