Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
