So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
