last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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