sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
