If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
