im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
