Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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