This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
