My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
