You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
