Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
