Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
