Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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