maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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