Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
