I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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