I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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