I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
