Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
