you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I will be naked everywhere
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
