you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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