You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
