Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
