I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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