I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
