I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize