I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
