i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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